I was expectant this weekend for God to move. I was, after all, going to a conference called YA MOVEMENT, so I can’t be criticised too much for having that expectancy!
On Friday night I would say I was stirred, but not moved. I could sense God wanted to speak, but there was a barrier preventing me from hearing anything. Going to bed, I prayed hard. I prayed a prayer I have prayed before, a prayer that God definitely responded to the last time. God, I am not getting it – tell me exactly what I need to do.
Sometimes, heck, a lot of the time, I get overwhelmed by the options in my life. God seems to present me with so many things, ranging from mediocre to amazing, and then I have to choose which one is for me, or which one I deem suitable for me. Sometimes the choice is easy – do you want to learn more about me? Yes? Do Academy then. Sometimes the choice is not. Do you want to leave your job? Erm…
The decisions we make from options God puts in front of us shape and mould who we become. When I left my job a year ago I had no idea what I was going to do. But I had been miserable and was in the middle of depression when I prayed that prayer I mentioned before, in desperation, “GOD, I AM NOT GETTING IT – TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO.” And He did. “Resign. You’re not a quitter. You’re not quitting anything. Resign from your position.” I had heard, loud and clear what God intended for me to do. So I was obedient, and the next day handed in my resignation.
So here I was, Friday night, in bed, after the first night at a conference where I had been expecting God to move, and the funny thing was, that actually, I think God moved the night before. In the cinema.
Bit of background – last week I had watched a TV show called Sex in Strange Places with Stacey Dooley. She’s an investigative journalist who goes to different places in the world looking at hard hitting issues that are frequently overlooked. This particular show was all about sex workers in Turkey. I don’t know how I have managed to avoid ever learning more about the sex industry, but somehow I have got 24 years into my life never knowing much about what actually goes on the world. It shocked me and upset me. What kind of things happen in the world – the persecution, the lack of choice, the lack of humanity shown towards these people.
I think I’ve always had a naive approach to the sex trade, thinking of films like Pretty Woman and shows like Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Women who are actually quite empowered and actively choosing to be in the sex industry. Watching this TV show opened my eyes to the reality – that most women are stuck in it, either through trafficking, debt or having no other options. The most shocking thing is the figures of how much a person would make from inviting a stranger into their home to have sex with them – no more than £20.
When talking to my friend about this, she told me something a friend had said to her – once you learn a piece of information like this, it’s impossible to not do something about it. I agree. I think in everybody’s life they will come up against something and not be able to do nothing about it.
I’ve never had a lot of confidence in myself historically, mixed into that low opinion, I have never believed that I had the capacity to make a difference in the world.
This is where God stepped in. In the cinema.
On Thursday I went to see the latest Divergent film, and whilst in the cinema, I was thinking about how the lead character Tris was just an average girl. She grew up in the most average part of town, in an average family, with a much cleverer older sibling, and yet here she was stepping out of all her comfort zones throughout these stories, and in this instalment of the films, she’s saving the whole city. The girl who came from seemingly little went on to make the biggest impact that city had ever seen. Not just changing things for the sake of it, but because of an injustice that she recognised and had to put a stop to.
That’s when God said to me “and why wouldn’t I use you in the same way?”
I thought to myself that actually, I do have the capacity to change the world. We so often get caught up in fictional stories of one person or a small group saving the world, but don’t ever think of the reality.
Any battle I fight, I fight with God on my side. This particular battle – it’s not even my battle. It is a a battle so beyond me, that without God working through me and other people around me every step of the way, it’s not even worth starting, because we are so ill-equipped, under-prepared, and lacking in anything we need. But now that I know of these facts, I find it unacceptable not to intervene. I have to do my part. Pick up my sword and join the fight.
I do have the capacity to change the world, because God created me. And I believe that sometimes all God needs is a mouthpiece to do it.
I don’t think God put us here just to serve one another, He put us here to fight for one another. To bring every lost person home. To show them they are loved. To show them they have value. To show them that they belong to someone so much greater than anything they have known on this Earth.
So there we go, I was expectant for God to move when I went to a conference over the weekend. He did. More than I realised or ever expected He could. And now it’s time for me to step out of the way, to put my dreams and ideas on hold so that I can do what He needs me to, to love the person in front of me, to change the ideas of so many people, to transform a life, to be obedient, and to change the world.
If anyone can help me on this mission, or if anyone wants to talk about it more, comment, reply, talk to me, I want to hear from you!