Apologies to those romantic types out there who live for Valentine’s Day. I know there are people out there who will be lavishing gifts upon their loved ones and that’s great… for you. And Hallmark, and all those retailers that are taking you for a ride.

That’s right, this is a grumpy, ranting post about how horrible V-Day is, and why it should be banished to the fiery pits of hell so much sooner rather than later.

I’m not one of those that says “I hate valentine’s day because it’s so commercial” but secretly I’m just bitter about being single. Oh no… the commercial side is just the lesser of the irritation. I truly hate seeing shops draped in red telling me that my relationship will be better if I buy the perfect gift for my other half. First things first, there is no other half. Secondly, even if I did have a boyfriend, if my relationship is going to fall apart because I don’t buy him the perfect gift on one day, then I’m pretty sure I’d be happier out of that relationship.

The second irritation of V-Day are the uninvited, undesired PDAs from every other happy couple. I don’t do PDAs. I have never enjoyed a kiss in public (unless I’m seriously inebriated), I don’t even hug that much (though that has changed a little more recently). I don’t force my relationships in your face in public, so what makes you think I want to see yours? I have no desire to see you stick your tongue down your girlfriends throat. Good for you, you have a girlfriend and she loves spending time with you, but save that for the comfort of your own home. You don’t even do it any other day of the year, but you seem to think V-Day entitles you to display your affection much more violently than you would otherwise. Please… if you wouldn’t do it in front of your nan, don’t do it in front of me.

But the money-grabbing-ness is not what pisses me off the most. Nor is the disgusting public displays of affection. Nope, it’s the fact that there is just one day when I should tell the person I love that I love them. I have just one thing to say to that: What utter bollocks. If I ever do fall in love with the perfect man, I’ll be telling Christoph everyday that I love him. Everyday. If I’m going to buy him something to demonstrate my love, it’ll be randomly on any day of the year… I do that anyway with my friends! If I see something that I think my friends will like, or reminds me of them, I buy it. Why should demonstrations and verbalisations of your love be limited to one day? If it’s the only day you do something special for the one you love, then there are some very serious problems you should be addressing in your relationship.

And that is why Valentine’s Day, or V-Day if you will, is total and utter bullshit.

But I am a bit bitter about being single too.